My Child Is Being Blackmailed - What Should I Do As a Parent?
For any parent, knowing that your child is being blackmailed can be very stressful. Your instinct is likely to do all you can to protect them. Here are some immediate actions to take if your child is being blackmailed.
Take Control of Your Child's Online Access
One of the first things you should do is to take full control and oversight of your child’s online access on all devices.
That includes any computers, phones, tablets or gaming systems they use to access the internet.
The blackmailer has already probably contacted your child through one or more of these internet-linked sources. Any device that can be used to communicate - calling, texting, emailing, social media - can also be potentially used as a mode of threats by the blackmailer as well.
Document All Communication
Another immediate priority is to save and document whatever communications your child has already had with the blackmailer. As the police will tell you, however many years down the line: if you decide to press charges, it is all about the evidence. If the photographs or videos include nude or sensitive pictures or videos of a minor, make a report to the police and do not attempt to possess or retain those photographs or videos yourself. You may retain contact, threats, and other blackmail related evidence.
Having a clear paper trail can greatly assist investigators to stop the blackmailer. And even if eventually involving the law does not feel like the right thing for your family, proper documentation of the blackmail can still prove to be useful for other purposes.
Talk to Your Child Openly
Once you have taken an immediate action to limit access and document evidence, it will be important to have an open and honest discussion with your child about the blackmail.
This conversation is sensitive, but it is needed.
First, make sure your child knows that they are not to blame. If you are a victim of blackmail, should not feel ashamed or embarrassed. Make sure to tell them an adult has exploited their innocence and goodwill.
Listen with empathy to learn about the specific events that occurred between the blackmailer and your child. Collaborate on revealing how the blackmailer first got in touch and obtained compromising material. What your child needs right now is compassion and support, not judgment.
Consult an Attorney Regarding Your Options
It is probably best to contact legal counsel to understand your options. A lawyer can advise you on remedies tailored to your child’s situation.
In most instances, involving legal sources directly is best so that they can be held accountable by the blackmailer and make their threats end. However, the privacy of each child, as well as the particulars of their case, should always be considered on a case-by-case basis when involving authorities. A lawyer can also propose other ways forward.
Collaborate with Your Child’s School If You Have To
If the blackmailer is connected to your child’s school, or the threats involve the spreading of rumors/content at your child’s school, you may need to coordinate with school administrators as well. Informing key staff of what is happening may help them make sense of any changes in your child’s behavior and academic performance.
Do not forget the school counselors, social workers, nurses, teachers and front office staff who could all offer extra emotional support to your child during this time - but only if they know about the blackmail.
Keep an Eye on Your Child’s Mental Health
Blackmail can be seriously damaging to mental health. Be attuned to signs of anxiety, depression, shame or withdrawal in your child. If necessary, coordinate with a pediatrician or mental health professional to ensure your child has loving resources to help him or her process this trauma.
It is also going to help protect their self-esteem and resilience to hear constant reassurance, validation, and encouragement from you as the parent. If you have the slightest suspicion your child is dealing with any type of mental health issue, do not hesitate to seek outside help.
Revise Online Behaviors Moving Forward
When the immediate threat of blackmail subsides, review your family’s online-safety practices with your child. Might there be steps you could take together to protect privacy and be on higher alert about suspicious online interactions in the future?
Although the blackmail was in no way your child’s fault, talking through improved online safety together as a family can help empower your child to avoid being victimized in the future.
Look for parental controls, privacy settings, social media precautions and other tools appropriate for your child’s age and maturity level.
